I suffer from migraines.
West Nile induced migraines, which means they come with all the pain and almost none of the predictability of normal migraines.
A window into my thought process:
Sometimes my world narrows. All I can focus on is the pain or its avoidance. For example, when I feel that a migraine is brewing, the lab work that needs to be done in the next week or the laundry languishing in my closet or the paper that needs to be written are completely blocked. My world narrows to Maxalt, sleep, and watching Sanctuary.
Sometimes, on the other hand, my world expands. Like a photograph taken with a fish eye lens. Not only do I worry about lab work and laundry, I also ruminate on if I’ve done something lately to hurt my parents’ feelings, what sort of job I hope to get after grad school, if I’m using my talents to the best of God’s glory, the essay I have weeks to write, what my boss thinks or knows of my migraines, if my head is going to explode, what will they do for me, will the pain ever end, what my lab mates think of my hours, am I growing up too fast, did I soak in all of high school, did I soak up the best of Baylor, did I mess up that assignment, who’s disappointed in me, what conversations could I have had with friends past, on and on and on and on! It’s really quite exhausting.
The world expansion is by far the worst. I feel like a failure and that nothing will ever be right. Fortunately, my parents can usually convince me to take some medicine and sleep it off – the next morning the world looks normal again. I had to inform Greg that many of the concerns raised by the “fisheye lens” quandary don’t even deserve to be discussed.
That’s my window on the world. Any migraine sufferers out there?