I hoped to post pictures of the sticky notes here, since colors jog my memory much more profoundly than words do, but I am encountering technical difficulties. Maybe later.
A late-night conversation with Greg recalled a verse about silver to my mind, but I couldn’t find it. It was no longer in the recesses of my mind. While he waited patiently on Skype, I dug through my things and found a stack of sticky notes from junior year. And now I’m immersed in memories of how God shaped me that year. (Not in any order, logical or otherwise.)
In September, faced with a decision about leading a small group and wondering why I was at Baylor in the first place, I sat on a swing and cried to God. He simply told me, in a voice I could nearly hear, “I brought you here for a reason.” I decided to lead the small group and to wait and see what His purpose was for me at Baylor.
I do my hair in front of a $5 mirror in my dorm room. The mirror is surrounded with brightly-colored sticky notes and various printouts. Seeing His words every day on those sticky notes grew me in more ways than I remembered.
A friend tells me that someone I thought was genuinely interested in being a friend wants nothing more than a physical relationship. I fear going to Matrix Theory.
I learned that I am so weak and broken and prone to failure. God taught me that the only way to survive any of this was to rely on him. He was my strength and I trusted His guidance, though I had no idea where He was leading me.
For God alone,
O my soul,
wait in silence.
It goes on a green sticky note.
Rachel comes over to sit in the papasan as one or the other of us cries.
We yodel on the way to ODE.
I fear so many things, so many people.
I take refuge in the song we sing at Highland that morning:
“‘Cause when we see you,
We find strength to face the day
And in your presence,
All our fears are washed away”
It also goes on a green sticky note.
I learn about God’s discipline. He truly disciplines us for our good. I devour the book of Lamentations.
And it is good for the young to submit to the yoke of his discipline.
– Lamentations 3:27
Pink sticky note.
God begins to kill sinful desires in me.
So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual sin, impurity, lust, and shameful desires. Don’t be greedy for the good things of this life, for that is idolatry. – Colossians 3:5
It goes on an orange sticky note.
I watch one He loves blossom and find joy in life again.
I watch another He loves battle so many demons.
Every day we brush past objects of incalculable worth to God: people!
Pink sticky note. Minus the sticky bit.
I try to encourage a friend in too many late night talks in the HRC.
I collapse before my church leadership in fear of this friendship.
I try to convince people I’m not interested. Nunneries start to look appealing…
In repentance and rest is
In quietness and trust is
but you would have none of it.
– Isaiah 30:15
Pink sticky note.
I discover life in my CG. I wonder at God’s ability to do anything worthwhile through me. I trust and love them.
For God is working in you, giving you the desire and power to do what pleases Him.
– Philippians 2:13
Blue sticky note.
I face tough questions and powerful images in colloquium. God uses Ordinary Men to ask me what I would do, and How (Not) to Speak of God to show me how incredibly powerful His call is. I love Him so much.
After fall retreat, I write,
on an orange sticky.
God uses an incredibly slow-healing wound to teach me that I cannot get out of my own messes on my own.
The Lord disciplines those he loves.
So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet.
– Hebrews 12:12
Pink sticky note.
This is the first April since I caught West Nile that I’ve made it through without illness.
I encounter Ezekiel and Covenant language. The words about a new heart and a new spirit ignite my soul.
I learned again to follow and trust God completely blind. I see now, as I write this, that these were only the first steps: He turned out the lights when I could follow Him on just a gravel road, barely enough to trip me. With this training, I will now be able to follow Him blindly wherever He leads. I feel like this is preparation for much more treacherous roads.
Oh, Lewis says it much better, in Screwtape Letters. He talks about how when we first begin to follow Christ, He gives us just a taste of His radiance and assurance, and it nearly overpowers our frail hearts. As we mature, we learn to follow Him without these feelings and without seeing the way, all “for the sake of the call.”
And the verse about silver?
Our lives are in his hands, and he keeps our feet from stumbling.
You have tested us, O God;
you have purified us like silver melted in a crucible…
We went through fire and flood,
But you brought us to a place of great abundance.
– Psalm 66: 8-12
(On a pink sticky note)